Forgiving Even the Toughest Pains to Free Yourself

TW: trauma, abuse, sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, depression

We all have them, you know the ones.

Those people who have come into your life and hurt you like no other.

Perhaps they preyed on your vulnerability, honesty, and openness.

Perhaps you have closed yourself up a bit because of it, feeling fear around being you, the you that you were when they came in and hurt you.

Maybe you even went so far as to not trust people anymore or the world around you. When in the moment you were just carefree and totally you, they struck, and so now, you are afraid to go back to being you, carefree and just, be-ing who you are.

Yet, being carefree, being who you are, being true to yourself, opening yourself up, practicing vulnerability, honesty and alignment to your heart is so important.

You are a beautiful being, so pure and so full of divine light, and you deserve to shine your light.

The world needs to see it too, but more importantly, YOU need to see how important it is to be you.

It is no coincidence that you are who you are.

Yet, at the same time, there is still this block.

There is still this healing to be done.

This post isn’t one about every level of healing you may need after going through some trauma caused by another person, this is just one step of the process.

If you feel ready to open up to this energy, step into it.

If you feel like you need to be angry first, be angry.

If you are still in shock, be in shock.

Grief, denial, sadness, frustration, whatever it is, be in the space you need to be in.

Yet, if you have moved past and through many of those stages on your healing journey, it may be time to step into the stage of forgiveness.

What Forgiveness Isn’t

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you forget. It doesn’t mean that you go back to allowing that person to hurt you.

You can forgive someone without ever speaking to them or seeing them again, and if the person you are needing to forgive is particularly toxic, that may be best for you.

Forgiveness isn’t about stepping back into what is unhealthy. It’s about opening up to healing in a healthy way, respecting your boundaries and what YOU need along your healing journey.

Forgiveness isn’t giving your power away. It’s not saying what they did was right or that you will allow another person to do something like that to you again.

Forgiveness is for you. One hundred percent for you.

To reconnect you with your power, your heart, and your freedom to be you.

Ho’oponopono: A lesson from Hawaiian Tradition

Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian practice of opening yourself up to forgiveness.

It is four simple phrases:

I forgive you.

I’m sorry.

Thank you.

I love you.

The first time you step into these words, they may be hard, but getting to the point where you can energetically move through them all and mean them all is incredibly powerful, especially when moving through something particularly painful.

I Forgive You

The statement I forgive you is all about releasing you from what has happened.

This isn’t about forgetting it, or denying it, although these are both completely perfect stages of the healing process if that is what you are currently moving through.

The I forgive you stage is all about releasing the energetic weight of what happened.

I forgive you for your actions, and I release their hold on me.

Take some time to think of the person who came up most strongly when reading this post.

Think about what they have done. For me, it always helps to think about their whole life. What all they have gone through, how much their soul is hurting.

Of course, this doesn’t excuse their behavior. Plenty of people may share similar backgrounds and have moved through it in completely different ways, but it invokes your ability to see them as a human being too, as a soul on earth too, and through that, it’s much easier to forgive.

When you distance yourself from someone’s past, it’s easy to see them more as a monster, an abuser, a narcissist. They become this viscous label and it blocks you from healing or moving through that.

It keeps you as a victim, your own label.

Of course, remember, just because you can sympathize with what they have gone through, that doesn’t mean you just allow their behavior to continue or that you should allow their toxicity back into your life.

What they did is still wrong. What they did still hurt, but this is about transforming your relationship with that pain.

Let me say it again: You can forgive someone without ever seeing or talking to them again.

But, through this step, through taking the time to see this individual as a human being who has been hurt, stepping into the energy of forgiving them, you give something to yourself.

You give yourself freedom to move forward.

Think about who they are, and send the words I forgive you to their being. Don’t tell them directly, unless that is something YOU need. Just send the words their way.

The first time you do this, you may feel a lot of resistance. Open up your heart and keep saying it, noticing how each time you do, the resistance lessens and you are able to forgive them more and more.

This is the beginning of this healing through forgiveness process for you.

I’m Sorry

As someone who has been hurt, I want to first clarify that you have done nothing wrong. You have nothing to apologize for that caused your pain or suffering.

But this I’m Sorry is totally and completely for you.

This I’m sorry is for you, and for having carried this weight, this wound, this resentment and pain for so long.

Carrying around hurt, holding on to it, identifying with it for longer than you need to does nothing but bring you more pain.

Of course, there are all times when we need to identify with our pain. There were moments where I needed to call myself a victim. There were moments where I needed to call myself a survivor. Both times were so important in my healing process, but at a certain point, I had gotten all I needed out of those terms, and it became time to release them.

Our wounds often become our excuses and our beliefs for why we can’t do, have, or be better.

I can’t be happy because I was hurt. I can’t be successful because I have PTSD. I can’t go out into the world and be confident because I am carrying this wound with me wherever I go.

I can’t be an amazing leader, trailblazer, or whatever I want to be because I’m a victim.

While we all need the time and space to move through what we need to move through in our own way, at a certain point, it no longer serves you.

So, if you feel like you are in this stage, if you feel like carrying the weight of this wound, this trauma, this hurt, whatever this person did to you, has served its purpose, take the time to let it go.

Let it all go.

And then say I’m sorry to yourself for carrying it for so long. For holding back your freedom, your ability to spread your wings and fly.

Don’t beat yourself up for holding on to it, you are exactly where you need to be in your healing journey, but being able to move through this stage empowers you.

It allows you to be more than.

It allows you to be you.

And that is a powerful thing. Remember, forgiveness, is not for the one who hurt you, it is for you.

It is to release the hold the wounds have and to connect you back with your deepest power.

I’m sorry for holding on for so long.

Thank You

Now this one may be tough.

Seriously, Katie, you want me to THANK the person who hurt me?!

Are you crazy?!

Maybe a little, but hear me out on this one.

When I was nineteen, I was raped.

I don’t need to go into the details of what happened, but when it came to the result of what happened, things were rough.

I was depressed, really depressed. So depressed I really just wanted to kill myself. Instead, I tried to escape, yet, I wasn’t able to.

I wanted to just spend time with people so I wouldn’t have to be alone with myself, but no one was ever available.

A blessing in disguise.

Around this time, I started journaling. At first, I was really, really mean to myself. I said things to myself that you should never say to anyone, especially your own soul, but before I know it the dialogue started to change.

All because I found astrology.

At the time, I spent a lot of my free time on Tumblr and astrology memes started blowing up.

After the memes grew, people started to talk about Moon signs and Rising signs.

Mars, Venus, Jupiter, Mercury….

Houses, aspects, and so much more.

And I loved it.

It finally gave me a way to navigate myself.

I started with writing down different descriptions I found of my different planets.

The Pisces Sun: As the last sign in the zodiac, Pisces Suns have walked the footsteps of every sign before it. This makes them incredibly empathetic, sensitive, and loving. They know how to understand and relate to everyone, loving them fully, straight to the soul level, even if they aren’t living up to their soul expression of self. Because of this, they can often be hurt through their relationships with others, and healing comes from learning how to draw the boundaries that serve them best. 

Pisces Suns don’t naturally have borders. Of all the water signs (emotional), they are the only one that doesn’t have a natural shell. Cancer the crab and Scorpio the scorpion are well protected. Pisces, the fish, meanwhile, are extra vulnerable to the energies around them. As a result, it’s super important for them to protect themselves and spend time alone so that they can clear out the energy that isn’t theirs that they have picked up. They are extra sensitive, and while this can cause them a lot of pain, it can also be one of their greatest gifts. 

Then, I started to write out how this related to me, and what it means for how I can empower myself to do differently.

I finally got confirmation that I do feel things deeply, deeper than others as well. I’m not just ‘too sensitive’ as I’ve heard so often growing up. I also got confirmation that losing myself around others makes sense, because I am just open and exposed, and like a sponge, I pick up other peoples energy.

The solution? Time alone.

I could do that!

From there, more and more came out. More aspects of my childhood were validated, more aspects of who I am were validated, and it was incredibly healing.

After the point where I healed the majority of what was available for me at that time to heal, I started reading and interpreting other people’s charts.

Before I know it, I heard the magic words “You should totally charge for this! I would so pay money for a reading.”

And so Know Your Vibes Astrology was born. Of course, it evolved, it grew, it transformed, but it would never have been born in the first place if I never was raped back when I was 19.

I never would have learned to love myself if I wasn’t hurt that deeply.

I never would have connected to my soul purpose if that never happened, so I am all in all, so grateful it did.

And so the words Thank You are to myself, to the universe, and to my abusers for hurting me, because they also opened me up to my greatest gifts.

Of course, there are multiple ways to find your path. You do not have to go through trauma to unlock your gifts, but at that time in my life, I was never going to unlock my gifts when I was meant to being who I was.

I was too uncomfortable in myself. I doubted myself too much, I doubted magic too much.

Anytime I saw a post on astrology or saw something on astrology, I would deny it and say it’s not real.

I would have been too afraid to go after my big dreams, but through healing, through having to heal, I found myself, and that is the greatest gift in the world.

So, whatever pain that happened, take a moment to find the silver lining. Find what good came from it, even if it’s small, find that good.

Then, when you are ready, try saying Thank you for all that you have learned and all that you have gained through this experience.

And just like the other phrases, take your time with it. The first time you say it there may be resistance.

Go slow, keep saying it, and each time, notice as the resistance eases up, until you are able to fully say thank you, and move forward.

I Love You

The last one, and perhaps the hardest, depending on your own nature and own energy. For me, this one was easy, but that’s because it’s in my nature to love easily. My nature isn’t the same as everyone else’s.

Wherever you are with this, is perfect. Take your time with it.

I love you is all about sending love to all those involved, especially the one who hurt you and yourself.

Why is this important? Because love heals all.

Unconditional love that is. Love without conditions.

No matter what you do, you cannot lose unconditional love.

As a soul, from a soul point of view, everyone is worthy of this level of love. Receiving it and giving it.

Being able to send someone love is a beautiful way of seeing the one who hurt you on a soul level.

Love heals all. Whatever wounds that person has gone through that made them hurt you, sending love is the best thing you can do to help them heal.

Of course, you don’t have to say a word to them physically to send love. Sending love is something energetic.

It’s something you can do with ease, close your eyes, and just from your heart sending healing love their way.

It doesn’t mean you let them back in. The best kind of unconditional love can sometimes manifest as cutting them off so they don’t hurt you anymore, if that is what feels right for you right now. Unconditional love is meant to be healthy for everyone involved. Being able to send them love helps elevate you past what happened, past the earthly wounds, back into spirit and opens them up to healing too.

Hurting others hurts us.

They are in need of healing too.

Plus, it helps you connect to love for yourself as well. Being able to love others helps you open up to more love and heals the world, so take some time right now, and practice saying I love you.

Practice sending love to this person, and then, take notice of how you feel.

Take some time, it’s okay to feel resistance at first.

Keep saying it, and see what comes from it all.

Taking Care of You

Through this whole journey, it has been about taking your healing to a deeper level. It’s all about connecting you to your power, your freedom, and your full being.

It’s not about you having done anything wrong, it’s not about giving your abuser power, it’s about seeing everyone as a human being and finding the power to raise up over what happened to you.

If you are not in that stage, that’s okay.

Be fully present with where you are.

But, if you feel ready for this, just try it.

Move through it, and see how it goes.

I forgive you.

I’m sorry.

Thank you.

I love you. 

Want to Work with Me?

If you would like to join me, or if you’d like to allow me to join you, in stepping into a deeper level of forgiveness and freedom from your wounds, I would love to get to work with you.

We have a couple options.

  1. My one-on-one coaching program: Raise Your Vibes.
    Hands on and working with you through the practices that make the bigger impact in your life, connecting you to your happy, to your freedom, and to living your purpose.
  2. My natal chart readings.
    Diving into the different components of you, validating, healing, celebrating every part of who you are according to what has been divinely written. Feel into it, these are usually best booked when the ‘feeling’ is there. And if it is, you can go here to book.
  3. Coming Home to You, a monthly group program co-run by me and one of my favorite people and intuitive coach, Jessica Sutter. This is a place where you can dance and be present right where you are, expanding, growing, forgiving, loving, healing, being, whatever you need.Each month, we show up and work with one theme that will be relevant to your own world, and we have a reading session, where we pull cards and consult the stars to share any guidance or messages that you may be ready to here. To join, go here: and then send me an email at knowyourvibes@yahoo.com with your facebook profile so I can add you to the group!
  4. Lastly, Love Letters to Myself. This is a free group co-run by me and Jessica where you have the space to write a love letter, or any other type of letter, to yourself each and every day. Whatever you need to say, you can say it here, and we will be there to hold, witness, honor, and love you along the way. Forgiveness letters are great in this group too!

 

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