Today is the first day of the Happy Life challenge I am joining.
The mission, if I so choose to accept it, is quite simple.
Spend 10 minutes under a tree.
The implications of this were both huge but simple, allow more happiness in my world from connecting to the simple things.
Not too hard right?
Well, I thought that too. But then I wanted to wait for a tree at the park because the trees in the backyard weren’t good enough. Or, I thought a picture on my back deck and instead of on the ground didn’t count, even though I was still technically under a tree.
But the other trees weren’t the right energy.
So I waited.
Come park time, guess what?
It started POURING rain.
Looked like I wasn’t going to be going to the park, or sitting under any tree there and I wasn’t so sold on sitting under a tree during the rain, so I went inside.
At the same time, I didn’t push myself to get under a tree either.
If I was feeling a bit better, I probably would have had no problem making do with a deck picture with the tree I was being drawn towards, but alas, I really wasn’t feeling good.
In fact, this feels like a new kind of low for me.
Not because I’ve messed up my life really bad, but rather, just because I haven’t gone through trials or tribulations like this. It’s literally a new low.
Life has it’s highs and lows, and we all go through both ends of things.
I haven’t gone through challenges I am going through with my boyfriend as a couple before, where, it’s not internal challenges and fights between us, but rather, us dealing with mental health, physical health, a good life balance, finding happiness, leaving jobs, building businesses, fand making it all work when for whatever reason, things just aren’t going the way we want them to.
There is something that is deeper and spiritual that is off and we are so desperately trying to find it.
We’ll get there.
We had a family emergency Sunday that has required my constant attention, energy, and all my resources for the past four days.
I had a traumatic doctors appointment Wednesday where the procedure wasn’t even completed. I have to go back in a couple weeks when I can get some anxiety medication beforehand, and I go to bed freaking out about it every night.
My wisdom teeth on my right side are coming in and my jaw is killing me. I’ve had a headache for days, I can’t open my mouth fully, struggle to eat, and I have been pretty ornery.
My depression has come back briefly, and I just haven’t been feeling happy.
It even physically hurt to smile, with my jaw feeling the way it did, and I was frustrated!
I was supposed to be happy, and I just couldn’t be.
Then, I had my breakdown.
We found my cat has injured his claw on his back paw and he is hating getting medication put on. He freaks out, and after all that I have gone through, I hate seeing him like that, and I just let it all go.
I just cry.
About so much.
I let it all out.
Then my boyfriend goes and picks me up some ice cream and ibuprofen. My pain goes down and I can eat. I can smile. I can talk.
I feel so relieved, and then, when the night falls, he pulls me out on to the deck.
And then I remember the challenge. To spend ten minutes under a tree.
He goes back in, and I decide to stay out.
I turn on the timer on my phone, put on do not disturb, and flip it over and I just sit.
Under the stars, under the clouds, under the quarter moonlight.
Under the trees.
Listening to the crickets, and just breathing.
Someone sent me a message today reminding me that to see the change I seek, I have to look up.
I felt that, as I laid back, my gaze looking up into the sky, and I felt it all. And it felt wonderful.
Then, every once in a while, as my energy uplifted, I’d remember something going on in my life, and my energy was shifting back into what is around me.
My gaze was moving downward, and things weren’t feeling as good.
When you are looking up at the sky, the world seems so vast. When you are looking at what’s around you, life feels so real.
I was brought into grounding energy.
It doesn’t serve me to just dream, and philosophize, and mentally adventure without making any changes to my real world, and so when my dreams were put into the context of my reality, at first things felt off.
I had to shift and adapt to the new things my mind was showing me, the perspective my thoughts were bringing me.
And I had to marry them to my reality.
And so, slowly working with the energies from both ends, I did just that.
Lately, I have found two main camps in spiritual energy. There is the root energy, the grounding practices. And then there are the sky energies, the uplifting practices.
I have been yearning to marry the two, and here, sitting under the stars and the trees, I felt like I was doing just that.
I realized, my soul was still here, not as a punishment, but because there is so much more bliss it wants to experience, and I get to start living that now.
I filled myself up with bliss, and then my attention was brought down to the ground.
I remembered, some days aren’t easy. Some days, it’s a struggle to be happy, but when we flow through it, when we have our breakdowns when we need them, at the end of it all, we can remind that bliss.
And from there I was brought up again.
I do realize, the constant up and downs do get exhausting, and maybe this is a good reminder to build a lot of rest in the in-betweens, and do more things that I enjoy, and less things that I don’t, but at the end of the day, it is all worth it.
This ride is worth it, and I’m glad I’m on it.
I’m also super thankful for #happylife2018 challenge, as without it’s prompts and practices, I probably wouldn’t have spent my ten minutes under the tree, and while things have gotten a lot better, I really needed that time to both lift me up and ground me.
It truly did wonders, and I do feel like, that happiness is flowing more in my life.
It was a happy day, even if there weren’t always happy moments.
It was a day worth living.
Plus, if you want to join the #happylife2018 challenge too, you can just go here.
I’m also not totally feeling my best here, but still, I was told today that posting some real pictures of me isn’t a bad idea, and I really loved my bravery course I did, so here I go..!